"26 February 2009 @ 07:55 am
i love being anorexic. is there something wrong with me? everyone is always saying they hate it.."
How can you say you love this? How is that actually possible? How can you love the lying, the physical pain, the obsession with both food and exercise? How can you love the body dysmorphia that inevitably happens, the horrific guilt of eating anything, the desperate lengths that are gone to in order to avoid social events and even just a bag of M&Ms that are passed around? People bitch about you. You lose friends. You get one minute highs if you're lucky enough to lose a little, but the rest of time is filled with this constant dread about the next time you're going to have to pack some nutrients into that fat gob of yours, and worry that you haven't done enough to get rid of what you have stuffed in.
There is nothing to love about this. It makes me so angry. I want to slap the skinny bitch who wrote that.
That's put a bit of a damper on my day. Apart from that, only consumed about 300-350kcals (250ish in the morning, and 40kcals of a vegetable stirfry for dinner! :D), and burned at least 450 through cardio at the gym, and walking. Tomorrow is going to be so good.
Maybe a tiny bit of breakfast, if I'm starving. I haven't had any Milkybar or Highlights tonight, so I've saved 35kcals and could have half an apple or something tomorrow morning?
Wii Fit - need to BMI check so badly
Walk to bus
Tesco to buy some dates and have a good gastro porn-y look around.
Walk to this little shop that I love to buy a couple of birthday presents
Walk to work
Quorn fillet and salad for dinner
Should be no more than 300kcals, plus a mega load of burn. I might actually be on track for my Saturday goal :o