self-exploration

I don't know what made me like this. I know it's not something I can stop easily. If I do stop, I start binge eating, determined to taste everything I've been missing out on for the months I've been gripped with not eating. I'd really love to know why I do it. I want to be able to eat a bit of cake, and not feel so guilty that I have to silently exercise in my bedroom til 1am, or not need to eat the entire cake, depending on my mood. I wish I had my happy medium.