Wednesday, March 4

hello, my name is E

I'm seriously fat and today I'm actually loving it. I can't be fucked to even try. I wasn't hungry but I just kept putting food in my face because I could. Special K, Fox's Chocolate Fudge Crunch Creams (could have eaten the whole packet - kept it down to half), pasta and shortbread. SHORTBREAD is the best thing ever. Wrrragh.

I have, however, developed a complete phobia of cheese. It's so fatty and greasy and oily. I can't even look at it. (Haha I can't look at cheese yet I can eat nearly a whole packet of Fox's creams? Funny how the mind works.)

A big part of me wishes I'd just eat so much that I'd actually puke, without having to do it to myself. Will keep eating to experiment. No doubt it will not happen, and I'll just get huger.

Also, have not had a sick bug in 4 years. What the hell happened to my immune system? Why is it so strong? Stupid working with the public and their damned diseases. I lost and kept off FOUR LBS IN THREE DAYS last time I had a sick bug, and I didn't even want to lose weight.

Female parent is going away next week. For the whole week. Am very pleased, as this means I can use some of my tactics to their full potential. Male parents tend to be much less observant than female ones.
She told me today that I must have a 'hereditary fear of weight gain', as we were both complaining about getting fat. Wonder if this means I can blame her for my permanent mind shit fit?

Friend who-weighs-140lbs-but-doesn't-look-a-pound-over-112 asked me how much I weighed yesterday.
'like.. 7 stone?'

LOL. I'd look thin [!] if I weighed 98lbs.

On a positive note, was told I was starting to look skinnier than my 5ft 7, approx. 95 lbs friend. A load of bullshit, sadly, as I sit next to her in a few classes and there is a massive difference in the size of our thighs, but pleasant bullshit nonetheless :)

Supersize vs Superskinny was disappointing this week - the anorexic girls weren't on, the Welsh girls exercising were in a stadium, which I don't have, and the diet swappers were men, who I cannot relate to. Pah.

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