Thursday, March 5

late night carbs

are the bane of my life.

I want cake.
I really, really want cake.

Haven't been on the scales in three days, 100% down to fear of gain, which I blatantly have done. My hip bones are disappearing underneath all the bloating :/ :/ :/ Collar bones and ribs remain in tact, though, so trying not to panic too much..

I have a fear of eating around other people now, too :/ Like, even if I'm having an eating day, trying to have as little stress as possible about it, I want to do it in secret. Having people seeing me eating freaks me out - I worry about what they'll say. I know they will say something now, too, because it's months since I have eaten around my schoolfriends, or at work. I know they'll comment, and I'll feel guilty and enormous. I can't just go back to public eating.

Going to Recovering Anorexic Friend's house tomorrow night for a bonding session, with no food. Possibly the only time you can have a get together without food is when the other person has an eating disorder too.

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