Saturday, March 7


I decided I'd eat a flapjack at lunchtime. No harm in that, I thought. I won't be having any other food at all in the day, so I'll eat something, and the options in the shop amounted to a flapjack, a chocolate bar, or a ham salad or egg roll - and being veggie, and a massive egg hater those were never going to happen. I was about halfway through when I re-checked the calorie count on the back.

I thought it was for 100g I was looking at - 321 calories.

I was like 'what the fuck?'. I mean, seriously! That's, like, more than a meal! On its own!
Flapjacks are the food of the devil. I'm never eating one again.

Less bloated! :) Have gained 2 lbs, which, to be honest, is fair enough, because all I did on Wednesday and Thursday was pack as much food as was physically possible in my mouth, and didn't exercise at all.

Saw on the front of a magazine today 'LOSE 9LBS IN 3 WEEKS! FOLLOW OUR EATING PLAN and SEE THE INCHES DROP OFF!'
I bet if I used that eating plan, I'd gain. Pahaha.

Pupil support called me in yesterday morning, as one of my teachers had mentioned that they were worried about me - I did cry in front of him for a full on 20 minutes on Thursday: he caught me off guard with a bit of 'you seemed really nervous' and 'to be honest, it really showed in the week before the exam' and I suppose I was just surprised someone had noticed, and started crying. They told me I had to stop putting so much pressure on myself to do well, that it didn't matter what anyone else's expectations of me were, that they'd all be proud of me anyway and I needed to stop working so hard. All fair enough. Then, oh my God..

PS: and are you keeping ok?
E: yeah, I'm fine! [read: nope, I'm a total fuck up]
PS: you're sleeping alright?
E: yeah, just like usual! [read: 6hrs/night maximum, more likely to be about 5]
PS: and you're eating?
E: yeah! [read: barely, if ever]
PS: because you've lost quite a bit of weight..
E: haha, yeah, I don't think so! [read: YES! YES! SOMEONE NOTICED!]
PS: err, yeah, you have.
E: haha, well..
PS: so, we're going to just keep an eye on you, make sure you're doing ok, not too stressed, eating something, you'll be having interviews next week anyway so we'll discuss this more then.

Y'know? I'm kinda glad. In a really bizarre way. I mentioned it to mum and she was like
well, are you really that stressed? do you need these meetings? what? I'd like to think if you were that stressed, you'd tell me about it.

No, I wouldn't.

Is this stress?
I don't know. I guess it's very similar to
Is this an eating disorder?
I didn't know.

1 comment:

  1. Someone noticed! :D
    God, so jealous.

    And, from what I've read in this past week and a half of stalking your blog, you have nothing to worry about for exams. You're pretty much a freaky genius (2 As and a B in your mocks, right? Incredible.).