bum note

I hate my bottom. It's awful. It has no tone or definition. In fact, I just despise rear ends generally. I especially hate anyone look at/touching mine (not that I frequently let people grab my arse, but that's beside the point).

Man professes to 'love' my buttocks. I don't understand, and last night told him he could love it from far away, because then it would be small and unrecognisable.

He replied 'you can't love a bum from a distance!', while taking a good handful.

I just don't think you can love a bum full stop, but that's where we start to disagree..